The fame and glory of David Caruso

Measure the quality of TV shows with the unfailable CARUSOMETER !!!  Brought to you by the genius of Rob Buckley and his hilarious blog!!!

(http://www.the-word-is-not-enough.com/blog/rob/) Used with permission! Thank you!!!

 A “Caruso free” rating corresponds to a show that David Caruso might accidentally get sent a script for, but which he'd be unable to see a part for which his talents would be suitable. If he did ring the producers to ask for an audition, they would pretend to be a Chinese laundry rather than meet him and confess their mistake. Caruso would then dine out on the tale of how he turned down a part in the show for a minimum of seven months.

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A "Minor Caruso" corresponds to a show in which David Caruso might guest star. He will insist on providing at least seven of his own jokes, most of them ending in the punchline 'That's my meat', and will deliver them in a grating monotone for 'authenticity'.”

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A "Major Caruso" corresponds to a show that David Caruso might exec produce or star in, ensuring that every script consists entirely of one-liners, fat-jokes and pratfalls. If anyone questions his decisions, he will tell them to watch 'real comedians' like Carrot Top or Jim Davidson, who only coincidentally have red hair.

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A "Partial Caruso" corresponds to a show with two walk-on cameos by David Caruso as a self-proclaimed master spy. He will try to get his character, Mick McGrady McMurphy, to explain the history of the Irish Republican Army. Unfortunately, his only only reference material is a copy of Tom Clancy's Patriot Games and a box of Lucky Charms cereal. Before he can ad lib a scene in which he decides to bomb the 'train between Dublin and London', the producers send him a swatch book for his trailer decorations and they are able to recast him before he's chosen 'ultramarine'”.

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A "Full Caruso "corresponds to a show in which David Caruso might be responsible for every aspect of production. In an attempt to make the show futuristic, he will force the cast to wear sunglasses, even when it means they'll fall over in the poorly lit sets he will insist on. He will also insist they end every sentence with the word 'hip!' because 'People will talk different in the future'. All their shirts will be made from PVC.”